I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
