did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i drank out of a bidet.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
