I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize