are you still at the devil's house?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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