I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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