the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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