he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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