I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
