Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The air was thick with penises
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
