Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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