Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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