I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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