I didn't shave. On purpose
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
