btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
