So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
