Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
