just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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