u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
