I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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