just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
