I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
