dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
