I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
