yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
