You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
