wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
