I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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