those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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