so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
