The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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