I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
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