At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
