NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
