chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
