paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
