it was like his penis was on wheels.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
this boner is exhausting
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize