hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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