the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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