im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
