Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
