If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
