apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
