My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize