Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
