You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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