sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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