i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
