Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
