Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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