there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
