On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
