i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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