New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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