Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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