imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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