Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
