OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm always down for nudity.
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