you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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