Got a toothbrush?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
