Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize