This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize