i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
