woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
