I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
