Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
