I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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