He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
