why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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