ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
