I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
