my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
