don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
