I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she told me i tasted like america
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
