yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
