this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
