omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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