When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
