sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
