Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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