Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Randomize
