I swear god or herbie drove my car home
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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