I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
