I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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