There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
