I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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