You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
