What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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