i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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