my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
