Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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