am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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