Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
