Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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