I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
