I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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