I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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